Taleeba Thomas - 05/14/2010
Since a lot of the topics for the past few weeks have mainly been focused on forgiveness, I wanted to share this testimony. I have felt a very strong urge from the Lord to do so.
I have been battling with a spirit of unforgiveness since I can remember. It wasn't until last week that I was delivered of it by the grace of God. This spirit has been a gateway for other demonic spirits of division and depression to quietly slip into my marriage. A couple of months ago, the Lord had spoken to me and had given me specific instructions concerning prayer about my marriage. I was told to not bring any issues to my husband that I had concerning him and my feelings but to only go to the Lord in prayer. The point of it was to not do things by my own works but to allow God to take over. For a few weeks I was doing it and things were looking better. I saw a lot of my prayers being answered and I was feeling very confident in my prayers. But, eventually, I got lazy and stopped praying as much and I opened a door for numerous amounts of attacks from the devil for disobeying what the Lord told me to do.
I started trying to fix the problems myself and becoming angry with the results. I was angry at my husband for not "understanding" or "listening" to me. I was also angry with the Lord for not answering me according to my own selfish desires. I was very selfish when it came to my husband's feelings, while accusing him of doing the same thing to me. Very quickly I went into a downward spiral of unforgiveness and anger. A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I got into a very heated discussion about something that he did, which he apologized for, but because I was being unforgiving it turned very quickly into a very heated argument. I had been very one-sided and selfish while he was speaking. He ended up going to pray with another brother and I ended up thinking about what had just taken place. In the middle of the argument, he asked me if I prayed for him when I was upset. The impact of those words felt like a car smacking into me. Of course I wasn't praying for him; I was trying to make him understand what I felt by my own works. I emailed a UBM elder and his wife a brief summary of what happened that night and confessed to them that I was walking in unforgiveness and then I repented.
I prayed for myself to change first and then I prayed for my husband. A UBM elder and his wife wanted to talk to us both about the issues that we were having, so they did and still I was fighting some things in my heart. My flesh did not want to submit to what the Lord wanted me to do and it also didn't want me to believe that I could be delivered. We all prayed and I meditated on a scripture that was mentioned when we all talked: (Mat.6:15) But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
I also listened to all of The Curse of Unforgiveness teachings. After meditating on those scriptures and listening to those teachings, I felt terrible. I felt bad that I had hurt my husband and I felt even worse that I had disobeyed the Lord. I began to really think, how in the world could I ask the Lord for forgiveness when I didn't even want or have a desire to forgive my husband? I too was unforgiving because it was easy to justify myself and be angry. I thought the Lord could do the same thing to me: He didn't have to forgive me and He didn't have to die for me.
I asked the Lord for help and I repented with my whole heart. A couple of days later, my husband and I were supposed to spend some time together but he had made other plans. I was upset and at first I didn't handle it very well. I tried to distract myself with cleaning, but that didn't work. So I tried to call Debra so we could pray and there was no answer. I also tried to call another sister to pray with but she didn't answer either. I felt the Lord saying to me, "Pray to me first".So I did and about five seconds after I had finished praying and repenting, Debra called and we prayed together, and soon after I finished praying with Debra the other sister called and we prayed. After I prayed with the two of them, I sat down on the floor and I prayed by myself. I wanted to be delivered. I prayed for a half hour and when I was about to get up I felt the weight of that spirit still on me.
I said to it, "NO! I will not allow you to reign over my body, my thoughts and my marriage anymore".I said to my flesh, "I am going to pray until you die".So I prayed for three straight hours -- non-stop -- until I forgave my husband and that spirit was completely removed from me. I felt the Lord had reached into me and pulled it out and when I stood up I felt like a new person and the weight of that spirit is GONE.
After I had finished praying, my husband came home and surprised me with a dinner date. :)
If I had allowed that demon to overtake me, that definitely wouldn't have happened. Ever since being delivered, I find that I don't really have as many complaints as thought I did about my husband. My prayers are aimed at the Lord changing me first and then changing my husband. I am battling my flesh constantly but it is a load lighter without the spirit of unforgiveness on me.
Praise the Lord for His mercy and grace. God bless you all.
Kendall Remmick - 09/24/2013
Another great study on rejection and jnforgiveness. My mother committed suicide because of this; she spent most of her time expressing her unforgiveness and judgmental attitude. I was on anti-depressants and an alcoholic, until one night I was delivered from them both at a revival meeting. But because the root cause was not addressed, I started going back into what was worse than depression: a demonic attack.
I finally just sat down in prayer and let the Lord bring up everything I had bitterness about, which was a lot of people and things. Everyday, as I tried to sit quietly with the Lord, things from childhood, to things people had said just weeks ago would come up and I would just let it go and forgive. Very seldom did I have any peace, when just meditating on the Lord.
Eventually, I started getting peace and the Spirit of Christ returned in my life, and I had overcome the bitterness for the most part. But I still have to be very careful and keep an eye on myself. I catch myself yelling at stoplights, after catching one red light after another, and getting impatient and judgmental toward the unsaved at times, and I have to just pray for them and myself, too. I keep the Word in me everyday and remember who I am and how I would still be there, if it wasn't for the Lord reaching down and delivering me.