Pat McKnight - 02/01/06
After about four months of reading various articles and teachings, along with listening to the messages regarding entering into the wilderness, I started to see light regarding healing. Even though I was primarily interested in being baptized in the Holy Spirit, I started to realize that I had not received because God was interested in getting to something deeper.
About a year ago, I got a dose of poison ivy and went to the doctor to get a steroid ointment for my rash. The interesting thing was that for the first time I caught it on my forehead and this rash did not go away after a few days like the other, but required a continual treatment to keep it under control.
My Christian background is from the non-charismatic side, which does not believe in healing, even though they do not admit it. I know that I have been protected from believing the majority of the error preached in these days, but without a doubt, I have been carrying a certain amount of apostate baggage through the process. Anyway, the first thing that became clear was that the Lord was responsible for the rash on my forehead and had done so to motivate me to turn to Him and His word. (Hos.6:1) Come, and let us return unto Jehovah; for he hath torn, and he will heal us; he hath smitten, and he will bind us up. This realization brought tremendous joy to my heart because it spoke volumes to a man in a dry and thirsty land. I knew that God had His hand on my life and I have so missed His presence. I got the thought of trapped miners underground, where after days of drilling from the surface down into the earth, breaking through to the shaft where they were believed to be located and the rescue crew finally hearing tapping on the drill pipe. Those small taps meant life.
I then understood that if I really wanted to enter into this wilderness of faith, I needed to place myself in the necessary environment to allow God to lead me through the giants in my land. I took the ointment and threw it away, knowing that the rash would return and I would be left to trust in God's Word that by His stripes I was healed. I faced fears of failure and all the what-ifs until the Lord brought to my mind: (Rom.10:10) for with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. I then told my wife that I decided to trust the Lord for healing, at which point the strength of all the fears dissipated and I was left with a total confidence in my healing. Praise be to My God and My Savior. I still have symptoms of the rash but the burning is gone and I know that I am healed by God. I also have a new appreciation for the meaning of these symptoms because they were the tools used to humble me and motivate me to seek God. In some morbid sense, I am somewhat proud to display this rash, since it represents Christ's work in me and I know that when God is through with these appearances they will be gone, as well. Praise be to God.
This morning I woke up very early (3:15 am) and, after my shower, went into prayer and praise to thank the Lord for the healing. He showed me that for believers all disease is an appearance and not reality, since we were healed by the stripes of Jesus. Also, the devil might try to regain the ground. Sure enough, while preparing to go to work, I noticed fresh blood in my underwear (something that has never happened before) and my first thought was that this was a test of my faith. I renounced it as an appearance and reaffirmed my trust in what God's Word says.
UPDATE - 06/06/2007
Since that time of my initial healing, I suffered bouts when the rash would start to come back and I struggled in my attempt to keep it away long-term with prayer and faith in my healing. Though I knew it was God testing my faith, I experienced failure in being able to hold firm and it would come back again time after time. I must admit that I became very discouraged but I know that God's way is perfect and He will not leave nor forsake me. I knew that there must be something else that He was working on. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your perspective, it has been my experience as a disciple that the primary way of learning is through the path of failure.
(Psa. 37:24) Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For Jehovah upholdeth him with his hand. (Pro. 6:23) For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; And reproofs of instruction are the way of life.
The Lord showed me that I was fearful of speaking what I believed to others. It took a lot for me to admit to my wife that I was trusting God's promise of my healing through the stripes of Jesus because of my history of failure. I was fearful of speaking again and being seen failing again.
On a tangent, though I won't elaborate at length, I was called to provide a deposition in a lawsuit regarding an accident that happened on a past construction project that I was in charge of. Prior to my appearance, the Lord brought to the surface that I was fearful of being held liable for this incident and was actually holding down a portion of the truth that tended to point to my responsibility in the matter. As soon as I admitted and confessed my sin to the Lord, I was released from the fear and He led me to the following scripture where I came to understand that Satan's main tool against us is the fear of death or destruction: (Heb 2:14) Since then the children are sharers in flesh and blood, he also himself in like manner partook of the same; that through death he might bring to nought him that had the power of death, that is, the devil; (15) and might deliver all them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.
Since I have already been given the death (crucified in Christ) as the consequences of my sin, death is no longer a threat.
I met with the lawyer representing my company and told him that I was going to admit I was not forthcoming in revealing all I knew in my previous account, so he would not be blindsided by my confession in the deposition. Interestingly enough, he was not irritated, though my admission was going to make his defense weaker. Anyway, I went to the deposition free of fear and answered their questions fully and put the incident behind me. I was able to give a testimony of this to the group I was meeting with on Sunday morning, which was another opportunity to confess with my mouth my salvation.
After this temporary tangent, I noticed that my bouts with unbelief regarding my healing subsided and the symptoms of my rash went away and have not returned since that time. Thank you, Lord.